I have realized after a tragic break-down in my life that I was a people pleaser. While it is not all bad to want to make people happy, or help them fulfil their destiny or reach their goals, it can be a danger zone for you-the pleaser. I was talking to a woman the other day that was suffering from a typical case of people pleasing and I noticed it right away once she began to tell me her story.
What I discovered about myself is that I was a high level people pleaser, not your normal good friend that wants to help but I wanted to please every person that I connected with no matter what level of connection that we had. It could be my family members, my boss, my boyfriend, my friends, and sometimes strangers. I really was living in a danger zone!
The danger comes because as people pleasers we don’t have a cut-off valve. We will continue to pour out of ourselves until we fall over dead – literally! We don’t have an internal stop button that tells us that is enough you can’t do anymore. Well we really do but we ignore it for the sake of not disappointing others.
Unfortunately, people pleasers will find themselves surrounded by others that will feed on their desire to please. They may not realize it but those type of people will develop an unhealthy connection to the pleaser and begin to “use” them to their own benefit.
The terrible lesson that I had to learn after my 2-year bout with a deep dark depression is that I needed only to please God! He loves me enough to not allow me to pour out more into Him than He was pouring back into me!
He showed me that it is okay to say “no” to some things especially if you know it could possibly take you over the point of being overwhelmed. You just need to explain your situation and most people will understand. It is up to the pleaser to stop the pleasing, because we are the ones who know how we feel.
Now I take it very serious about what I involve myself with; if I start to feel overwhelmed with too much stuff to do or being involved with I stop myself. I am blessed that I have someone in my life now that can see if more clearly than I can and will tell me “you’re doing too much”.
Take an inventory of your life today and make sure you are not on the edge of a danger zone. Make sure that you are not pouring out more of yourself than you are being poured into. Let God show you how to line up your life and activity with what pleases Him and live a healthy balanced life.
I would love to hear from other “people pleasers” and I would love to help you get to a place of purpose and balance.
The Butterfly Journey ~ Lisa
