Category: relationships

friends, make a difference in someone's life, relationships, the butterfly journey

Are You Investing in Your Relationships?

livingwholecoaching

A new year, a new you, a better version of you!  One of my goals for 2015 is to invest in the relationships that I hold dear to my heart.  I would admit that I have not really taken a close look at my relationships until my husband said, “in order to have a friend, you have to be a friend.”  Wow, ok that made me look deep within myself for the answer to that statement.  Had I really been a friend?

I searched over the relationships in my life and concluded that yes maybe I hadn’t been such a good friend.  At my age, I don’t believe that I would be making many new friends, acquaintances maybe, but real friends no.  So I looked back over the years for those who had been positive, encouraging, influences in my life.  Yep, I found them all in the history of my life.  Those who never were far away during the real struggles on my journey.

relationships

I thought back to the milestones that we had shared with each other; the good ones and the bad.  We never missed a beat.  We may have missed birthdays or anniversaries, but we never failed to reconnect at the most important times.  So I searched my heart and knew right away that I had to do something different.  I wanted to make the next leg of my life’s journey with them by my side.

I wanted to celebrate them, let them know how incredibly important they were to me and the world.  I decided that I would invest my time, money, and life to these few folks who God had so meticulously placed in the path of my life.  I work in the funeral industry and all too often I see people regret missed opportunities to cherish those who were important to them.  But once they are in our office it’s too late to change the pattern of the life that is now gone.

So I vowed that I am going to be the best friend, wife, mother, daughter, sister, grandmother, and person that I can be.  I want to give each of my relationships their flowers while they are living to enjoy them.  I will invest my time, money, and talent to bless their lives.  I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt that they matter to me!  And I want my life to reflect that I loved those dear to me and that I gave all that I could to make this world a better place.

Here are some of my ideas in blessing others:

  1. Send a card with flowers just to say “I love you and you matter to me”
  2. Take a day off work to spend the afternoon with my grandchildren just to laugh
  3. Buy a Valentine’s gift for my sister
  4. Take my mother to get a mani/pedi
  5. Have lunch and facial with my best friend

These are just some small things that you can do for someone special in your life.  You would be amazed of how something small becomes a “big” deal to someone who deserves it!  It’s time to invest!

Blessings,

Lisa

relationships, teach

Teach It and They Will Know

livingwholecoaching

I was having a wonderful conversation with my fiance during linner (time right after lunch but before dinner) today about relationships.  From the beginning we have shared our life lessons through the relationships that we have been involved with.  Needless to say he always helps me learn more and more about the male perspective than I have ever known in my life.

But what I told him was that I didn’t understand why other women in my life hadn’t taught me about the fundamentals of relationships and the way that I should approach them in a godly manner.  I’ve come to the conclusion that no one ever taught them so they didn’t have any information to share.  Sad but we tend to mimic what we see and know from growing up and we don’t know any different if we aren’t taught any different.

As I looked back over my life I don’t ever remember my mother sitting me down and telling me things about being in relationship.  Most of the things I remember from my mom is her standards.  I knew without a doubt that she wanted me to live my life with standards.  I tried to do that but the problem came in when I didn’t know what standards were good and which ones were bad.  I didn’t know my worth as a woman and so I lowered my standards to fit in to a relationship.

Seriously it wasn’t until recently that I sought the Lord for explanation on my “true” worth and He completely showed it to me and now I know.  All other things, relationships included will need to fall into line with that.

Another astounding revelation was that I have grown up in the church most of my life.  To be recollection I don’t remember being taught anything that would come close to knowing my worth in God and certainly not how to be in a relationship the way that God intended.  But why?   Why doesn’t the church teach the young ladies and young men their true worth and roles as children of God and in particularly in relationships?  They need it!  What happens is they go into relationships from what they see in the world.  And like me, we suffer useless pain and often times devastation because of our careless, untrained ways.

I want to challenge churches today to be that place that people can find what they need – yes God, and beyond that how to live a life that God intended.  We don’t need anyone to tell us don’t do that because that is not right.  Please tell us why and don’t forget how.  Why can’t we meet people at their point of need like Jesus did?  He taught in parables because that is what the people could understand for their own lives.  They understood Him.  The same holds true today, reach people right where they are and help them to understand the way God intends for us to live a blessed life in Him.

I can remember all the stories of the Bible with vivid details, but a few short years ago I may not have been able to tell you how it pertained to my life.  It is our job, you and me, the ministers, the church leaders, and the sunday teachers to teach so they will know.

The Butterfly Journey – Lisa

book, God, love, relationships, the butterfly journey

Relationships: You Still Have Time

livingwholecoaching

I was super bummed when I finished writing a lovely post about relationships this morning and clicked on the publish button and to my surprise or perhaps my demise half of the post was missing.  I had to trash what was left and decided to walk away until this evening.

But in the efforts to post something of wisdom, something positive, something motivating everyday I am re-doing my earlier post in hopes that I capture the essence that I wanted to.

Relationships are a huge part of life that shapes who we are, who we become, and how we handle all the other aspects of our lives.  I was not at all great at relationships.  Not that I didn’t have any but I didn’t have healthy ones, at least not for me. I called myself a chameleon.  I would change myself into whatever type of person that relationship wanted.  I hid my heart, my dreams, my desires and wants deep inside.  It really didn’t matter, no one seemed to want to know the “real” Lisa anyway.  But just like any other woman I wanted a relationship where I could be me; the real me.

It didn’t come until after the healing process started during my depression that I began to understand the why’s of my unhealthy relationships.  God had to show me that I was worthy.  Me, Lisa, was worth something more than what I had experienced in these unhealthy relationships.  But I didn’t know that then and that was my problem.  I equated my worth with how pleased the other person was with me.  And since I wasn’t even sharing the real me I didn’t realize that what they were giving me in return was not equal to my worth.  Whatever they offered I thought that was all that I was worth!  But God said no!  That is not who you are, you are beautiful, lovely, and unique because He made me that way.  I was worthy of great things because God said so.

When God gave me the man of my dreams, I didn’t know if I could pass the test and use my new-found wisdom to cultivate the relationship in a healthy way.  And sure enough the old me came slipping back into play, but God stopped me every time I tried to revert back to my old ways.  Craig, (my fiance) is a wonderful man of God and he was very patient with me in my learning stage.  He has taught me a lot about love, patience and friendship and today he is my best friend!

I explain more about my experience with relationships in my upcoming book: The Butterfly’s Journey coming soon!

The Butterfly Journey – Lisa